“We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
― Malcolm X
I need to take this to heart. You see, I’ve always been trying to find approval from others. It’s sort of something that goes with the territory of writing and workshop, you try to fix things according to what other people say. I ended up trying to edit not to how *I* thought things should be but I ended up editing to how only my editor saw things. He was a great editor, but his writing style and choices didn’t always match up with my own.
Taking this to heart also means applying it to the real world. I try to be that “perfect friend” to people. This ends up making me self-made martyr of sorts where I allow myself to be pulled by others and my obligations to other people. I didn’t know what was perfect to me, so I ended up trying to be something to others.
Something I can take from one of my former partners is that when I would ever tell him he was “perfect” he would frown at me. I told him, “he was perfect to me.” That was it though, it was “to me.” He had to be perfect for himself. If you aren’t happy with yourself, how can you be happy for others? I need to be happy with my writing and be happy with what I produce, but to still work at becoming better–perfect by my standards. I have to love it for myself.
So to close, I am going to quote RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anybody else? Can I get an amen?”