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I do need some restraint.

I find myself indulging in a lot of what makes me happy and it’s causing problems where I think I am addicted. I spend too much time online. I have sex a lot (but that, I don’t apologize for. I am a slut and proud of it. I have sex with consent and enjoy it). However if I keep doing more of what makes me happy, then I won’t write. Writing makes me happy, but lately it stresses me out.

I find that I enjoy and find solace in things that don’t have me question my abilities. I enjoy sleep. I indulge in food. I end up not working.

But in the scope of the creativity project, then if I write more of what I enjoy, then I think that can get me back into writing and having fun. Thing is, I don’t know what writing makes me happy.

I am sometimes pained in writing blog entries and about myself. I enjoy writing in persona, but I hate how in poetry the “I” is conflated with the poet. I hate the confessional stance of poetry. I don’t find as much freedom in fiction as I do in the line. I guess I just have to keep writing and see where it takes me.

What joys do you have that you need to pursue?

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